This is my 10th school year in the classroom. It's amazing to think of the students that have entered my classroom and how I have kept in touch with many of them. The seeds that are planted and then irrigated with tears (both mine and theirs) have made me and hopefully those kids better people today. I love teaching because of the artistry of the craft that completely engulfs all of my creative juices. I also love teaching because everyday is an opportunity to make a difference in some one's life. Teaching is a career that more times than not, you don't get to witness the full growth of the work you put in. I teach 4th grade so there is a lot of growing and other influences for my students until they graduate. I have been so very honored to be chosen as a "Most Influential Teacher" to one of my students in 2011. Kortney was a student of mine my very first year in the classroom. Even though I thought (and still do) that my college program prepared me well -- what I learned is nothing can truly prepare you for all that is the classroom! :) I joked with her and told her that I hoped I taught her well since I was so GREEN in my career when I had her. She told me that she didn't remember anything in particular that she learned in 5th grade, but she remembered that I made her feel special everyday. I'm getting chills just typing this and thinking about her. This year another one of my former students (who is a junior this year) has chosen me as a teacher to be recognized at her softball banquet. I am so honored that through all the wonderful teachers and coaches that these students have encountered that somehow I made a lasting impact on their lives.
I feel like I do a great job at connecting and building relationships with my students though I realize it is hard to make a connection with every student for various reasons, but I still try. The greatest lesson has been the 1 student I KNOW that I didn't capture his heart and it still haunts me today. His name was Charlie. My first year of teaching I finished my student teaching being a long term sub for a teacher in 5th grade math (where I taught Kortney) and then graduated in December. There was an opening in the same building in 4th grade so I took that job. (I love how God works things out) That was a harder semester because those kids had bonded with the teacher that was there the first semester and my classroom was structured very differently from hers. It was a hard adjustment, but I think we managed pretty well----except for Charlie. Well, first let me say that I am a red head with the stereotypical hot headed attitude. I hadn't taught long enough to learn to NOT let the kids push my buttons and if they did you certainly don't let them see it! Charlie found out quickly how to push them and did on a daily basis. No matter how much I thought, "I am going to get along with Charlie today," typically that was a fleeting thought for it was a matter of walking in the door and it was on - for both of us. The next year a student asked if I knew Charlie and I said yes. The student said laughing - he didn't like you, did he? AND... continued on to say, "and you didn't like him either, did you?"
It was that moment that my heart was broken. We all know that there are people (of all ages) that are harder to love than others but I made it obvious to this child that I was not invested in him. Now that I have had more experiences, I wonder what made Charlie defy authority so much? What was going on at home? Could I have made a difference? These are questions that will forever swim around in my head and never have the answers to. Charlie has taught me to stop and look at my students when they are constantly trying to push my buttons. I have learned to react less and observe more.
So, my greatest failure with Charlie has probably become my greatest victory to many other "Charlies" I have encountered over the years. As you can see, I often wonder about Charlie. He would have graduated in 2012. I wonder what he will make out of his life. I hope he has the brightest of futures but most of all I hope that another teacher - at least one- captured Charlie's heart in a way that I didn't. To Charlie - I am sorry but I also say thank you for making me a better teacher and person.
No comments:
Post a Comment